Forever
by Sakura5
Summary: DEATH!!! A favorite of mine. Unfortunately, I'm bad at writing it. So anyway, 1+3, suicide, etc, etc...


Um. Yeah. Yaoi. 1+3. I know it sucks. You don't need to tell me. This would be the first yaoi I've ever done, so don't tell me it sucks. I already knew that. But stupid Matsuri made me post it anyway. Must think of evil things to do to her later….  
DISCLAIMER: The only thing I own is tons of stupid little notebooks. Come on. Did you really think I owned Gundam Wing?  
  
  
"Forever"  
By: Sakura  
  
  
I always thought that forever meant never ending, that something would always be around when you wanted it to. Forever seemed so long, like infinity. Forever was as long as I could see into the future, maybe longer. Lies. The word forever is one big lie. Nothing is ever forever, even when he promises you that he's never going to leave you. He lied. He lied to me. And now I have nothing. I started out with nothing, I ended up with nothing. I guess that's just the way things go when no one in the entire world loves me. So now I sit alone, and cry to my hearts content. Because I have nothing. And because he lied to me.   
Two weeks ago, I was perfectly happy. I have everything I could ever want. I had him beside me. I had a great job. I had 3 great friends who knew me thick and thin. And I was happy.   
It was a Thursday when I first heard about it. He got a call from the Preventers, asking him if he would take a mission. Mission. Oh great. He's gonna go and miss our two year anniversary. Hm. Even he's full of surprises: he said no. I heard him talking to them over the phone.  
"I said no. It would just disrupt my life again…. No! I can't do that!…Because I have a promise to keep." He hung up the phone on them. I listened to him grab his coat and yell to me as he was half way out the door, "I'm going out. I'll be back soon."  
I didn't even have time to answer; he just slammed the door and left. I knew that something was wrong: he always told me where he was going first. But this time he didn't.  
He didn't talk much all week. Nothing was really the same after that one phone call. He suddenly didn't have time to snuggle with me, or read, or even eat dinner with me. He was suddenly gone all of the time, working or running errands. Stupid excuses that got him out of the house and away from me. I think I saw less of him that week than way back when we had missions. He didn't seem to even notice me.   
Yesterday I woke up rather early. The morning sunlight had just begun to stream in through the partially closed blinds, giving the room a softly healthy glow. I reached across my big king sized bed and, to my surprise, found him lying there. I propped myself up on one elbow and allowed myself one glance. Just the thought of him brought a smile to my face. His normally cautious and overly guarded face was without expression and worry as he lay in a deep stupor. His bangs fell gently in his face, hiding his eyes from my view. I brushed them back and planted a small kiss on his forehead before getting up and starting breakfast. My plan was to make a quick breakfast, wake him up, and have a nice long leisurely meal before he ran out without me again. Plans never work out though. Never.   
Upon reaching the kitchen, I found that we didn't have any milk, and that's how I ended up at the grocery store at 6:30 in the morning. It took me a bit longer than I normally would have taken for a morning milk run, simply because I figured, 'Hey, its 6:30. He's not going anywhere and it's a nice morning. I'm gonna walk to the store.' I hate time about as much as I hate the word forever.  
I had just walked in through the door when I saw a note sitting on the table. It was addressed to me, in his perfect handwriting. My first thought, 'Oh shit. He's gone already.' I didn't even run to the bedroom to check, for fear of the disappointment that might lay there. Instead I opened the note slowly, wondering what kind of excuses he might have for me this time. Inside was the last thing I ever expected to read from him.  
I'm sorry.  
Second thought, 'Great, now we're moving. Just when I got settled in on this colony.'  
I never meant to hurt you like this. You have no idea what's going through my mind, starting with when I first wake up in this cold cruel world, ending when I finally drift into restless, merciless sleep. I have to tell you now, because I can never tell you again. You are my world. You are the air I breathe, the words I speak, and the treasure I protect. I do everything I do so that in some way you will be happy. You have to leave. Now. Go to another colony. Take only what's closest to your heart. They'll be coming soon. They'll burn this house whether your in or not. If they find you, they'll kill you. I'm sorry I can't tell you more. But if I could, I'd tell you not to go into our bedroom again. I don't want you to see me. Not like this.   
I was breathing heavily by now. Something was wrong. All of the walls in this house were telling me so. Something was very wrong. My feet moved without me thinking about them. I flung open the bedroom door and gasped with agony at the sight inside. Dangling by the end of a rope tied to the ceiling fan above was Heero. His face was a sickly sort of blue wax that made me want to throw up on the spot. His face was creased with wrinkles, and the scars from the past were very evident on his face. His eyes were closed; I'd never get to look at his cobalt eyes again. Instinct caused me to reach for the letter that still hung at my side, useless.   
I know that chances are, you'll look anyway, I know you will. But I don't want you to remember me that way. Remember the times before this, when I could be myself around you. When there were the five gundam pilots, and no one was allowed to die. When…when there was just the two of us living in our own little world.   
Ai shite'ru Trowa. "  
That was it. The final good bye from two years of being together. I wanted to cry, to scream out loud for my loss and the stupidity of the person hanging before me. How could he think that he would protect me from people like that just by killing himself. That thought didn't stop me however from running to my closet and removing a small ring from a velvet box, the ring he gave me two years ago, when we got engaged. I never wore it because of fear of the questions it would bring. I feel so stupid now, because now all I want to do is tell the world about the wonderful man I was going to marry. The wonderful man who hung himself for me. I stuffed that inside my pocket and ran out of the apartment, tripping over the stairs on the way to my car. He had promised me two years ago that we would be together forever. He left me. I hate forever. Forever is a lie.  



End file.
